would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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