I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
