There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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