If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
