he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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