Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
