cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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