i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
