the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
