i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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