We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize