So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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