What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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