her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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