I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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