you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
