You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize