drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
