Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
