So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
