I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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