Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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