This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
