We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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