Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
