I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
