That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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