so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
