She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
