I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
