I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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