True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
