I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
