For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
