Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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