I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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