So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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