He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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