Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
