So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
