you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
