Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
not ubering you a puppy
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
