this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
