I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
