I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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