so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize