you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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