It's Friday. Sex?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
