I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
