I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
