you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
