I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
