Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
