Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
