how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
