Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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