How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
