So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
