Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
