Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
