He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
