this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
