I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
