Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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