I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
