we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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