why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize