I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
