so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
