i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
