It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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