Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You ate ashes out of my bong
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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